Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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