I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
