we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
