I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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