I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
