That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
