I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
