dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
