Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Terrible idea I love it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
