no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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