i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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