I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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