do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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