That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
