Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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