Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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