Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
