omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That accounts for only three of the penises
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
