I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
