May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its not stalking. its research.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
