at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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