dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
