just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
