Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
