I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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