eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
