Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
