we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
