I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
