we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
