just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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