you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
