party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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