I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize