True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In other news, I just burned my penis
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize