my mouth tastes like poor choices
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
