i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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