i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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