my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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