She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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