if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
