If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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