I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
