Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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