have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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