Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
