she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
