I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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