Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Found your dick twin last night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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