I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
