i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
