Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
