Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
