he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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