I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
