Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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