I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
