How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
