If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
