Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
