The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
