you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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