Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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