If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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