Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
