I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
