Apparently you make a good broom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
