I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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