she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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