the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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